The time a one night stand broke my heart :/

    I went out with my friends to one of the bars downtown. Mind you I am only 20 so getting in can be hard at times. All I had to show was a form of i.d. because their cameras cannot read the cards. I went there drank a little. Seen some friends I had met over the summer. Those two guys I love to death. We had our drinks and I was feeling wonderful. I danced and made more friends like I usually do when I go anywhere. It was the first real weekend after first semester began. We stayed at the bar until it closed. I took pictures with people. That night me and this girl that scares me played a trick on her boyfriend. She always thought I was trying to take her man over the summer. We settled the confusion that night. I was getting hugs from plenty of people when I seen this beautiful man. I looked over to my friend I was with and was like he is the most beautiful white man I have ever seen. She said I know his name is Dick*. She was kind of talking to him her. I told him what I told her. We talked for a bit and then his friend kept calling him. So I walked him over to where his friends were. I talked to him and there was that moment between two people where you know it’s time to kiss or the moment was just right. So I asked him politely can I kiss you and he said yes. It was absolutely wonderful. He told me he likes black women and we traded numbers. We hugged , he kind of felt up my skirt, then went our separate ways. I went back to where my friends were. We went into the pizza place that stays open after bar time. All the drunk people go there after they go out. The food is good and cheap. I was texting him the whole time I was with my friends. He called and I even went outside to talk, hey, it was loud in there. After that my friend drove me back to my hall. My friends were sitting in the lobby of my hall so I talked to them for a while. I wanted for Dick to call back. He did and I was still really drunk and my phone was dying but I put in the address where he was coming from. We found each other. It was wonderful when I seen him. I made fun of his mandals. We walked and kept stopping and kissing. Every kiss was just what I had been missing. He was strong, too, so he would hold me tight. We finally got back to the hall and walked up to my room. My roommate was there but that could not stop us. We tried to be as quiet as possible. Everything he did was out of this world. When he took his shirt off I seen that he had a side tattoo and died a little inside because earlier that day my roommate and I were talking about how when a guy has a nice body and a side tattoo. I just am so much more attracted to him. We got down to business and just had sex all over. In my bed, on my roommate’s floorton. Against the door. It was great on great on great. He was taller than me. He couldn’t have been a more perfect man in my eyes. When he came we went to bad not much later after that. I gave him a back massage before we went to bed and seen that he had a spine tattoo. Ouch painful. It said “For The Love Of The Game”. I was butter in his hands after that. The next morning I woke up and thought to myself how did I get this beautiful man to stay in my bed. I just couldn’t believe he was in my bed. We woke up and he was just laying next to me shirtless. We talked to each other. We talked to my roommate and were spooning. I reached my hand back and acted like I was itching my butt and started playing with is dick. That was fun. My roommate left for like 5 minutes and he just slid it in. So as I was talking to my roommate about how the night before was and having sex with him at the same time. I think I am pretty good. She left and we had like 2 more rounds. I felt bad though because we just laid there after round 2 and I looked down at his penis and it had a hickie on the tip. I felt so bad. He said it’s fine. Then I seen that he had tattoos on the sides of his fingers that said “Loyalty, Courage, Love and…” something else I cannot remember. He kept talking about how it’s been so ling since he had been in a dorm room. He got up to look out the window. He was just walking around my room butt ass naked. That’s when I noticed he had a nice ass too. That was the cherry on top. We started round 3 not long after that. We talked some more after that. He finally got dressed. He was like girl I’m hungry. I asked him if I could take a picture with him. No pics 😦 So I am having troubles with remembering what he really looks like. He then said I should head out I am hungry and I still have to drive back home. He was actually visiting friends that weekend. He was like ” time to take the walk of shame”, I was like “I will shame walk with you.” I walked him outside and he gave me a hug good bye then left. As he walked away something happened to me. The next day I was in a weird mood. Like I had lost something. I was eating ice cream and felt a wave of emotion go over my body and I started crying. At that moment I was happy, sad, empty, half full, and lost. That was when I realized that it broke my heart I was never going to see him again. He was just too good to be true. He was the first one night/morning stand that hurt me without even knowing. Fast forward a couple of weeks or a month. I texted him and he actually remembered me and texted back. He told me he was in a relationship now. I was sort of crushed but we were communicating. We decided to be at least friends. That was very nice and I was fine with that. Catch up every once in a while. I just want to remember when he looks like. Dick was the best dick I had ever had. The moral of the story don’t have one night stands and if you do don’t let any emotions come out or between you two. I made that mistake and cried. If only my life wasn’t that complicated.

The life of a Facebook page admin. It’s very stressful but I ♥ it!!

One February day while I was on the phone with my best friend and she was telling about this love confessions page at her college. I knew my college had a raunchy confessions page but I am infatuated with love. So, I was like I am going to make a love confessions page for my college. I did a comparison of both pages from my school and from her’s. I started a survey page and picked the pictures that would be the main and cover photos. I accidentally put the old mascot and someone guided me to take it down or I could get in trouble. It started evolving. A month or two later I already had 1000 likes and that’s a lot in my books. I just enjoyed being the creator and seeing what people said and who they were secretly crushing on. I ended up also making a classified not so classified page on top of my confessions page. It’s funny because I looked at the rough breakdown of likes on my love confessions page, people all over the world like my page. My page became so popular our school newspaper featured some posts in it a couple months after I created it. I just about died when I seen that. I could only imagine how the people that got their confessions put in the paper reacted. I was overly excited. I do love my page but the only down side of it is that I am constantly updating it. Over the summer it went pretty dormant but when the school year started up again the new freshman helped make it what it is today. Out of the 2800 likes I have for the page roughly 50 people know that I am the admin. I thought that telling guys that I am the admin would get me in good with them and maybe find a boyfriend but that did not work. Like I said in one of my older posts I stopped looking. Admin business is very stressful because I am the one and only person people yell at when they get mad at a post. Funny thing is some people don’t use the survey site and send me their confessions as a direct message and I see who it it. A good one was seeing one from my CA from last year talking about how she wants to experiment with a girl and her boyfriend wouldn’t mind it either. I was so surprised when I seen that. I was more shocked and it made me laugh. Other then those people that send me direct messages the majority of the posts are anonymous. I like it like that. If I knew all the dirty on the people here I would not know how to handle it. The best part of being is admin is the love you get out ways the hatred. People tell how much they enjoy the page. One guy got advice from my page about asking this girl out and he did it. She said yes and it melted my heart. This past weekend I helped someone find their wallet lost over the weekend on one of the buses. The boyfriend of the girl that asked for my help was so thankful after it was successfully found. I am glad my page could help. People even give me good advice about the page and I started a new thing. It’s popular on Instagram. Like throw back Thursday #tbt he said start Man Crush Monday #MCM and Woman Crush Wednesday #WCW. I did that and people went crazy about it. They get to tell who they like and hashtag it! Thanks friend! At the end of the day I will always have my page and know that I am helping people find love and stay connected. Love is such a beautiful thing. Don’t let it go to waste. ♥

The Infamous V-Card story. Let the rollercoaster begin.

          It all began on a warm June day in 2010. I was just relaxing with the family on my front porch when my friends came over and asked if I was going to my friend’s graduation party. I got dressed and headed over there with them. I met the family and seen my friends there. Then we started drinking a little. We left and came back. The friends I rode with were not drinking at all. I got back to the party and drank more. At this time I was roughly 16 years old and had a low alcohol tolerance. I drank a cup of 99 Bananas and Sprite. It was very strong and I sipped it like a pro. I was good after that. I ended up going into the bathroom with one of my friends and seen my boobs. Luckily my best friend came, who knows what could have went down if it wasn’t for her. After the people I came with left I got close to one the graduates aunts and she was really nice to me. She kept telling about how pretty I was and that if I could watch after her son. So I did. He was drunk I was drunk so we cuddled a couple times. I watched after him. I was like a dog in heat on the inside but I had to keep calm because I was a little less drunk than him. We ended up going to the basement where no one was at. I sat on the pool table and pulled him into my open legs. We kissed, he stepped back an came back for another kiss. Then he was like “I have to pee want to come with me”. I was like sure I thought to myself your mom did tell me to keep an eye on you. He want next to the garage he did his business and then came over to me. The area next to the garage was about 8 to 10 feet away from the fence. So we weren’t crammed. First we were just talking then we started kissing. He was a wonderful kisser. Let’s just say his name was Stan. I must make a reminder that I am 6 and he was roughly 5’9. Hey I don’t discriminate. One thing lead to another. He had his hand down my pants and then we jumped the fence to be behind the garage. I thought to myself a lot before it happened. Is this how I wanted to lose my most sacred thing? The one thing once you lose you don’t get it back. In my heart I felt that I was ready or that might have been the alcohol talking. He didn’t force anything upon me but unfortunately he let the liquor get the best of him and had a slight case of whiskey dick. It still went in and my virginity was gone forever. I had grass on my back and the grass was wet. I lost mine at a graduation party on the wet grass behind the garage. Hey it was Father’s Day the next day, too. He had to pee again so our session was cut short and an uncle came to pee also. So there I am deflowered and probably never going to be remembered after that. We ended up going to the tree house and sitting in there. While we were kissing someone else came up and was knocking on the door. It was his mother. She’s like luckily I came and you guys weren’t having sex or anything.I just snickered. She was a little late on that. Been there and I literally just had done that. His dad ends up taking the ladder and we get stuck in the tree house. He brings it back and we get down. They leave. I stay the night and dance until we get tired. I tell my friends them what happened. Bad Idea on my part. Passed out. Woke up the next morning and acted like nothing happened. I told my older sister right above me first. She ended up getting drunk one night and because I was asking for my tank top and she didn’t like it, she told the whole family that I had sex with two guys in two weeks and that I wasn’t a virgin anymore. One of my sisters that buys my homecoming dresses said was only going to get me a card and a dollar for my birthday. I sat on the curb and cried. My mom didn’t talk to me for a long time and it took her about a year to trust me again. I was their good child. The one that wasn’t supposed to do anything. Any time I make a mistake it is a huge deal to this day. I have my flaws but my future is too fragile for me to mess up because my success is being weighed down my whole family. I regret to not regret. I wanted a glamorous story that me and my boyfriend were ready and chose a night and did it. I will never live that fairy tale lifestyle I will be lucky to find a good man. I will stay positive. A TV show called Awkward taught me that nothing is better then the first time you have with someone you love even if you are not a virgin. I believe that and will be happy when it finally happens. If anything can happen it will to me and all I can do is try to enjoy the ride of life. Cruisin’

Let’s talk about sex…..go salt’n’peppa

I found out what sex was when I was a young child. Like maybe 1st grade or 2nd grade. I was a tall child and my dad had magazines on this tall shelf in his closet and I always was interested in finding out what they were. I did and brought my little sister along for the ride. When my dad found out we were stealing them he thought we were quote on quote “gay” or we liked girls. We looked at them because the guys penises. I didn’t understand what cum was for a while because we would see that word a lot. Eventually we found out. Can’t remember when I did. It’s funny I think 2nd grade was when I seen my first porn. It was on VHS and it was called Stick It In. Yet again it was me and my little sister watching this. We hid it on the side of my bunk bed for as long as we could . Then my parents found out. She and I used to get into so much trouble. I was so interested in sex in that form that I would stay up late at night watch what was on HBO at night. The only thing about those adult films is that they never really showed the men’s penis. The woman was always over glorified. I would sit in the hallway while my mom was watching Real Sex on HBO at night. My mom and my older sisters would always talk about sex. If you haven’t got the hint I grew up in a very open and casual family. We could talk to each other about any and everything. My mom had enough experience, she always gave good opinions on everything. Even if I didn’t want to hear it she would anyways. As time passed and I got more internet savvy, I was online one night looking at porn with my little sister at this time we had been on every free site we could get our hands on. By now we were teenagers and knew pretty much everything about everything pertaining to sex. We just typed in to see if it existed and the mother load of free porn came up. We had hit the treasure. To this day I still look on there every once in a while. This turned more into a post about how much I enjoy watching pornography. Too late to go back now. Tumblr is probably the next best thing for a person that likes watching sex. That place is so free and open. I love it. Pictures, Moving pictures (gifs) and videos. You cannot go wrong. I just want to say watch porn at least once in your life. It is very interesting and broad. Enjoy!

I stopped looking…

My friends once told me that I should stop looking for a man because once I do he will find me. I stopped and it’s very nice, yes I am still boy crazy as fuck but what can I say I love the male species. I cannot help it. The night I told myself to stop looking was probably one of the saddest nights of my life. I wasn’t even in my dorm. I actually was in the one I lived in the previous year. I miss that place. I made myself in that dorm and some great memories and great friends. Long story short a lot happened when I lived and loved there. Back to the story of that night. I then laid on the floor in my friend’s dorm room and thought about guys a million times more than I did previously. Then I walked to the lobby of the building and sat on the couches. I got really sad about not thinking about guys and I actually had a break down. My best guy friend came up to me to give me a hug and I didn’t accept it. Then one of my girl friends came up and I let her in for a hug. I thought to myself if I was going to stop pursuing guys then I should stop with my guy friends too. I sat there for a while but after that break down I had a breakthrough. Guys are pigs and I am starting to see that more now than ever. They want the cat. Meow! My cat is too precious to let them in that. It’s a sacred tomb that has boobie traps and if you fuck up you will be cursed. Hitting all the right spots will get you the treasure. Okay I am done with comparing my vagina to a sacred Egyptian tomb. I have hit some rough patches on the route through my journey but hey I have been celibate for almost 5 weeks now. For me that’s a long time tbh. Another post will explain why I say that. Honestly I have never been in a relationship. How that happened I still don’t know. Oh wait I was a chubby mixed girl in high school that loved white guys that were never interested in dating me. That’s why I came to college bitches, to enjoy life with more open minded individuals. I promised until the day me and “him” meet I will always keep my life updated. I forgot how much I love typing about how crazy my life is. So moral of the story I stopped looking now patience is a virtue and my academics are way too important. I’m in college to further my education not find my future love. I wouldn’t mind if that happened though. Go to College or do something else in life. As my wellness lecture teacher says “Something is better than nothing.” My trying is something and it’s going wonderful. In my mind I will survive. In reality I will hit some roadblocks but it’s my job to conquer them all. Go Me!!!