Fuck me….not literally

I fucking hate feelings. So it all began in freshman move in day. I came back to my room for a break because I needed to eat something and I went and introduced myself to all my neighbors. There was this cute tall boy across the hall. I walked in and introduced myself. Joe is his name. Cute and quiet. I went on with my day. Weeks pass and I noticed that someone was playing good music. I walked in their room and told Joe thanks for playing the right music. Then I went back in my room he was going through songs Make It Nasty – Tyga passed. I asked him to turn back to it. He did and I had a dance party in my room, I even started breaking a sweat. Another night someone started playing music really loud in the hallway so all the social people came out. We started dancing and after their music died down Joe started playing his music louder. Me and some of my new friends started room hopping and just sitting down in everyone’s room that had their door open it was fun. We ended up stopping in Joe’s room. That is the night I met Paul, Joe’s roommate.  I think I sat in there for a while then trying to get to know them more. Then a bunch of us went to the basement of our dining hall and got food. We all bonded. It was nice . Another night I came in there to do homework and I ended up staying in their until like 2 in the morning watching Blue Mountain State. That is the day I decided that we were going to be good friends.

Weeks past and I always stopped in their to see how they were doing.  Joe moved the room around to a much more desirable way. I started just coming in and sitting down. We added each other on Snapchat. Then I started hanging out with them all the time. Anytime I would get bored I would come in their room. The first night I spent the night in their room was so much fun we stayed up talking for hours. Paul is an asshole and Joe is a sweetheart. I like how much of an asshole Paul is. In my heart I have a special place for both of them. I have never had guy friends like that. In high school all the guys were rude as fuck and I wanted nothing to do with them. I had guy friends but mostly all of them were gay or I ended up falling for them or they moved away. So I really gave up. I made a few my freshman year of college but I ended up having sex with A LOT or randoms, so guys yet again were the reason I began to deteriorate. I got a reputation and it blew up in my face continuously until a month or a month and a half ago. Then those two popped in my life.

Now getting to the fuck me not literally part of this whole story. Around the time I began to want to read 50 shades of grey again I also started hanging out with them a lot. Naturally my mind wanders. Yes I do admit that as a sexual being I have fantasized about both of them. Like giving both of them head on their bed while they sit next to each other. Then I have to shake the feeling because they are best friends and roommates. I had a dream about Joe first the night I came back to school from Thanksgiving break.

JOE dream: I was in the hall and I seen him coming out of the room at the end of the hallway. (Which is not really his room  but it’s a dream) I motioned him to give me a hug. The first round of hug was horrible and the second was a uber release of goodness. Then he backed me and looked down at me and was like “I have always wanted to get a piece of that pussy.” Or something along the lines of that. I then reached down to my stuff in the hallway, gabbed out a piece of chocolate. Shoved it in my mouth, it melted instantly and then kissed him. I felt bad so I backed away and said sorry for kissing him with a chocolatey mouth. Then I woke up. I couldn’t believe it happened. I told my roommate and couldn’t help but think about it the whole rest of the week when I seen him.

Weeks passed they went out I stayed in and they would tell me how their night went. They just want to lose their virginities and fuck bitches. Its funny because both of them are just so awkward when it comes to interacting with females other than me and his friends.  We finally all got drunk together. We got a thirty pack of Busch Light. I drank like 4 or 5 and had some mixed drinks. I was feeling wonderful. Paul hid in the closet. They danced. I never laughed so much. That was the best night ever!!

PAUL dream: The dream he was in was so ridiculous. I will have to talk about the pre-him of the dream another time. I just got back from being in hiding after a guy pointed a gun at my head in my front yard. I went to find Joe and Paul. They were in their nicely renovated room. I met two new of their friends. Sitting next to Paul was this annoying blond. She said something slick to me so I pulled her by her hair onto the floor. Bitch pissed me off something serious. Then she ran out the room and the other cute white friend went after her. The asian friend came back in asked if that was assault and I acted like I didn’t know what he was talking about. He then left. Joe came back looked at us and then knew it was time for him to leave, then he left. I sat with my knees between his legs and had my hands on his knees. I acted shy then told him I have had a huge crush on him for a while. I thought a lot about him when I was in hiding. Then I acted shy sat next to him and we kissed. Then I laid my head on his lap and we kissed more. I was scared he was going to reject me. Other things happened in that dream. I woke up and told Regina about it. I had a whole new outlook on life after that.

P.S. I swear what killed me the most about Paul is that he is rude and I swear he always has something in his eye when he leaves and or sees me because it looks like he is always winking at me. 😉

The last week of school before break I was in their room like everyday. I was really going to miss them alot. They are my guys I kind of have crushes on. That week we found out that Paul’s estimated conception song was I’ll Make Love To You- Boyz II Men. I just about died when I seen that. Then I proceeded to call him a super virgin. He rolled up in his blanket and didn’t talk to me for a bit. Joe left the day I did, but earlier in the day. Paul was packing and I packed. We went to lunch. He bought me a whole value size can of Mandarin Oranges. Then he helped me carry all my stuff to the car when my ride came. That was so sweet of him. He dapped each other then he was on his way.

The day I decided to send out their gifts. Joe, Paul and Regina’s, I wrote a note on Paul’s pic because he didn’t want anything. After that I thought of all the good times we all have had together and I started to weep. I really miss them. It’s like they took a piece of me when we all departed. I sent their gifts. They all like them. I feel so warm that they know they are appreciated. I love them all. One day they will know that. Friends for life is what I am feeling and I am totally fine with them. I got lucky for meeting the best guy friends I could ever have. Be jealous lol 🙂

When I first realized…..

Time to get on the subject I talk about the most….. white guys. I currently go to a predominantly white institution and I swear I am in whiteboy heaven everyday. I see a new attractive one everyday. My infatuation began long ago.

The beginning was when I was in preschool. My first kiss was actually with a black boy. I remember that day vividly. We were all laying on the big rug in class. The lights were off and I was facing my friend. We were putting our hands in cement as an art project that day. The boy asked me if I knew how to french kiss. I honestly was modeling it after the Rugrats in Paris movie. I did “know” how to kiss. We did and got caught.  Both of us were sent home shortly after. That was just the beginning of my interest in the male species.  After that I stopped liking black boys because of one I was in school with. He would always talk about my shoes. I vowed to myself that day I would never date a black boy. My first boyfriend was actually half black and half Mexican. That lasted like .2 seconds. Oooo I really like him. My second boyfriend was actually fully black. I know sad story, I love white men but never dated one. I am sure it will happen one day. The wait is killing me though. I never got a chance to date a white boy before college because all of the ones I went to school discriminated and the one white boy I actually liked ended up dating my best friend for roughly 2 years. It was a slap in the face.As I was saying I love white men and everything about them. I love their hair and skin and smiles and all that other good stuff about them pretty much. I have always been a fan of long white man hair. Hockey players have the best man flow ever. That’s what I call long white man hair. “Man Flow” (says in a Barry White voice in her head). Since I have got to college my boy craziness has gotten worse by an infinite amount. I have began to say white men are my kryptonite. The day I am found by one I will be more than happy. I really just want to take cute pictures with him and have someone to cuddle cuddle. Knowing that he is mine will be the best I ever had. I could go on and on but I have so much to talk about that I don’t want to tell something I want to highlight in another post in this one. It’s hard because I have so much to say about them. Next subject, please.